Tag: funny
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Jokes 05-03-10
Why do dwarfs laugh while they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their balls. Social Security A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for social security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver’s license to verify his age. He looked into his pockets and realized he had left…
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Jokes 04-19-10
Little Penis A young man goes to a doctor for a physical examination. When he gets into the room, the man strips for his exam. He has a dick the size of a little kid’s little finger. A nurse standing in the room sees his little dick and begins to laugh hysterically. The young man…
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Simpsons Quotes 5
Homer (looking at a globe map…country being Uruguay): Hee hee! Look at this country! “You are gay.” Homer: There’s your giraffe, little girl. Ralph: I’m a boy. Homer: That’s the spirit. Never give up. Bart Simpson (spelling “Impervious” in a spelling B): I…M…P Nelson: Bart is pee! Ralph: I made Bart in my pants! Grandpa:…
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Simpsons Quotes 4
Marge (on radio): Husband on murderous rampage. Send help. Over. Chief Wiggum: Whew, thank God that’s over. I was worried for a little bit. Mr. Burns: I don’t like being outdoors Smithers, for one thing, there’s too many fat children. Bart: What’s Santa’s Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he’s trying to jump…
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Funny Insults
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it. I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission. I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in? I’ll never forget the first day we might – although I’ll keep trying. I heard you…
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Jokes 04-09-09
Robert went to his lawyer and said, “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.” the lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, “Not a problem leave it all to me.” Robert looked somewhat upset and said, “well I knew you were going to take a big…
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Jokes 03-05-09
Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, just before dawn, both of them drunk, felt the urge to pee. They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they decided to go there anyway. The first one had nothing to blot herself with, so…
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Jokes 02-19-09
The Bike A 13 year old boy came home all happy. His mom asked, “What did you do at school today hunny?” “Oh I had sex with my teacher,” he said calmly. The mother began to scream and yell and sent him to his room till his father came home. When the father came home…
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Family Guy Quotes 4
Peter talking to the camera:…but I’ll tell you what’s not cool-killing strippers. Strippers are people too; naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later behind the curtain of a VIP room. Besides, there’s no reason to kill them, ‘cause most of them are already dead inside… Good night,…
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Family Guy Quotes 2
Auctioneer: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Auctioneer: She had nine STDs. Quagmire: Forty-five bucks. Auctioneer: And when we caught her she wet herself. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. (Joe falls out of his chair and is about to fall farther into the sewer when Lois catches him.)…