#10 – Wipeout – Simply swipe your credit card, pick all the transactions that ‘didn’t happen’ and just like that every transaction you chose will show on your statement as “How to be a better Man”. Happy bar hopping!
#9 – Field of Dreams – all sports, all the time. Who’s trading who? What manager is getting canned? Never be out of the loop again. For a nominal fee get instant texts on your favorite players every move.
#8 – The Stop and Go Accountant – bring us your check and we do it all. We pay your bills, credit your gas account and order food for the week. Leave knowing to the penny how much party money you REALLY have.
#7 – One Stop Sex Shop – Everything from condoms to fake IDs. Safe depositories for your wedding ring. With every purchase of $50 or more get a free informational pamphlet. Featuring this month “I can explain that smell”
#6 – Upgrade – Need a skill you don’t have? $99.00, 30 seconds and a few singed hairs will do the trick. Just lay back, put on a shiny helmet and learn ANYTHING. **side effects of lying after treatment will result in tiny electric shocks to the brain, but this usually subsides after two weeks.
#5 – The Trough – Every beer ever invented from everywhere around the world. Every day at 6 p.m. is free taste testing. Every visit, leave with a $10 credit for Detox Fluff & Buff.
#4 – Detox Fluff & Buff – Drank too much? Smell like a hooker? $39.95 gets you 15 minutes on the dialysis machine (goodbye alcohol) and 45 minutes in our Fluff & Buff spa. Leave sober and smelling like an angel.
#3 – Pornography Post – Pick up your favorite mag or just put your electronic device in our port and instantly download video in a matter of seconds
#2 – The Dog House – Stop here for serious ass kissing. Flowers, balloons, teddy bears, cards, chocolates, and even wine. Customized packages for every screw up.
#1 – The Translator – No more guessing. What did she say? What does that mean? Is this a trick question? It happens to the best of us. Simply type her statement into our system, answer a few questions and press ENTER. Our computer translates and you’ll find out exactly what she REALLY means