Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.

Lisa: I’m an ugmo
Homer: Now, that’s not true. You’re cute as a bug’s ear.
Lisa: Father’s have to say that little stuff.
Homer: Dad, am I cute as a bug’s ear?
Grandpa: No. You’re homely as a mule’s butt.
Homer: There. See?

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer’s Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer’s Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woohoo!

Homer: Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Homer: My ears are burning.
Lisa: I wasn’t talking about you, Dad.
Homer: No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip.