Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don’t show up tomorrow don’t bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Ralph: The doctor said I wouldn’t have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there.

Bart: Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Chief Wiggum: Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city.