My Cat Tri-pod.

Now I know what your thinking, a tri-pod is usually something that has three legs. Yes a tri-pod usually has just three legs and so did my first cat. Our family actually had a couple cats before that, a black and white sister team who were killed together playing in traffic before I can really recall them..

Like most cats, Tri-pod started out with four legs. I can’t remember what we called him in his early days. He had an all black coat that my aunt’s describe as the most beautiful coat they had ever seen, we may or may not have called him Blackie. I had two cats named Greyfur’s for their grey fur so I’m sure Blackie wasn’t out of the question.

And he had four legs, untill he got one of the caught in a rabbit snare, and as legend has it, my father cut the limb off with hacksaw.

From then on my cat went by the name Tri-pod.

When Tri-pod was getting to mid age (seven or eight) he hissed and generally put up a fuss at pretty much anyone who would go near it except for me. That cat and I were tight, and I’m assuming the fits and commotion were in response to his civil war type amputation and the discomfort it left him with..

Because of the cats surliness my mother thought it best that the cat be put down as it was in obvious pain.

In these days my Mother was still in university and as such didn’t have a lot of extra money lying around to have a profession hitman come in and euthanize the beast so she did what any girl with a a brother who hunts would do. Had her brother do the job.

You have to remember this is also 1981.

My mom theorized that I should be at school when my uncle came for the cat, I was five or six years old. That way she could write off his death as ‘he must have went away to die. Cat’s do that sometimes when they get older.’. type of deal.

On the day in question I came home from school and went to my Mother’s room where she was sleeping and gently I nudged her away:

From my mother’s version of events I told her that Tri-pod was dead. At first it didn’t register and I had to tell her again.

This time my Mom respond’s with a “What do you mean?”

I told my my Mom that Tri-pod was lying in the backyard when I got home from school and that I went over too him and shook him and he wouldn’t get up.

With this my Mom sat right up in bed looking like she had seen a ghost and asked if he was there now.

I said “No Mom, he’s gone.”

My Mom says she called my uncle right away after that and my uncle confirmed that he took the cat to the local garbage landfill and put two slugs in him that cat wasn’t going anywhere.

I was seventeen when I heard that story for the first time and although I didn’t recall the events in question, I instantly had a picture in my mind of where the cat was lying in out backyard when I came home from school that day.

Sexy Sunday 31

Tila Tequila

Tila Tequila

Tila Tequila was born in Singapore in 1981. She is of Vietnamese descent. Her parents left Vietnam just before she was born and they stayed in Singapore for a few before moving to Houston Texas. Tila and her siblings lived in a strict and sheltered environment with their parents in a Buddhist gated community. Soon Tila and her siblings continually begged their parents to move out of the gated community to experience the regular goings-on in Houston and their parents gave in. Tila became a terror she joined gangs, did drugs, got into fights and eventually spent time in Juvenile detention centers. In her adolescence she even experimented with lesbian encounters. When she was 16 she ran off to New York with little more then the clothes on her back. Once her money ran out she came back to Houston and continued with her deceiving ways. At 18 Tila was approached at a mall by a scout for the Playboy Magazine. Tila didn’t give in and ignored him. After awhile scouts continued calling her house she decided to give it a shot because if nothing else it gave her a way to make some cash. She made her first appearance in Playboy at the age of 19. She moved to Hollywood to further her career and appeared in Playboy 5 more times. She was the first Asian to become the magazines “Cyber Girl of the Month.” Tila was also a popular choice for car shows. Her next big career move came from becoming a spokesperson for Nintendo’s new portable system. Tila created a website which featured herself it became popular fast due to the racy photos available to paying members. Due to the publicity of her site Tila was chosen to become a 3-D model for a street racing game. She has made TV appearances on the Playboy Channel, MTV, and on the reality show “Surviving Nugent.” She also starred in the hit reality show “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila in 2007.” That same year she made a brief appearance in “I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry.”

The Death of Common Sense

I came across this post the other day and thought it was deserving of being spread around, written by Lori Borgman

Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am mourning the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.

His obituary reads as follows:

Common Sense, aka C.S., lived a long life, but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was, his birth records were long ago entangled in miles and miles of bureaucratic red tape.
Known affectionately to close friends as Horse Sense and Sound Thinking, he selflessly devoted himself to a life of service in homes, schools, hospitals and offices, helping folks get jobs done without a lot of fanfare, whooping and hollering. Rules and regulations and petty, frivolous lawsuits held no power over C.S.

A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the ability to know when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early bird gets the worm and how to take the bitter with the sweet. C.S. also developed sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adult is in charge, not the kid) and prudent dietary plans (offset eggs and bacon with a little fiber and orange juice).

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, the Technological Revolution and the Smoking Crusades, C.S. survived sundry cultural and educational trends including disco, the men’s movement, body piercing, whole language and new math.

C.S.’s health began declining in the late 1960s when he became infected with the If-It-Feels-Good, Do-It virus. In the following decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal and state rules and regulations and an oppressive tax code. C.S. was sapped of strength and the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, criminals received better treatment than victims and judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional baseball and golf. His deterioration accelerated as schools implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing classmates, a teen suspended for taking a swig of Scope mouthwash after lunch, girls suspended for possessing Midol and an honor student expelled for having a table knife in her school lunch were more than his heart could endure.

As the end neared, doctors say C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding regulations on low-flow toilets and mandatory air bags. Finally, upon hearing about a government plan to ban inhalers from 14 million asthmatics due to a trace of a pollutant that may be harmful to the environment, C.S. breathed his last. Services will be at Whispering Pines Cemetery. C.S. was preceded in death by his wife, Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one son, Reason. He is survived by two step-brothers, Half-Wit and Dim-Wit.

Memorial Contributions may be sent to the Institute for Rational Thought.

Farewell, Common Sense. May you rest in peace.

New Releases June 3, 2008

New release listings for Blu-ray and Playstation 3.

Blu-ray

Playstation 3

Sexy Sunday 30

jolene blalock 1

Jolene Blalock

Jolene Blalock was born in California in 1975. Although an excellent surfer Jolene decided to try her luck at acting. In 1998 she made her debut in “Veronica’s Closet. “ She also had roles in the Love Boat and the Next Wave. She also had a role in the NBC miniseries “Jason and the Argonauts.” She also made brief appearances on G vs E, D.C., CSI, as well Jag. Her next big role came from Star Trek Enterprise a role she was planning on turning down.

The Trash Vortex

Garbage PatchIn the middle of the Pacific Ocean (the one to the left) there is a man made island twice the size of Texas and growing by the minute.

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is in a part of the Pacific Ocean “that no one ever visits and only a few ever pass through. Sailors avoid it like the plague for it lacks the wind they need to sail Fishermen leave it alone because its lack of nutrients makes it an oceanic desert.” Capt. Charles Moore.

Cptn. Moore, director of the Algalita Marine Research Foundation explains the phenomenon like this;

“A huge mountain of air, which has been heated at the equator, and then begins descending in a gentle clockwise rotation as it approaches the North Pole, creates this ocean realm.

The circular winds produce circular ocean currents that spiral into a center where there is a slight down-welling Scientists know this atmospheric phenomenon as the subtropical high, and the ocean current it creates as the north Pacific central or sub-tropical gyre.

Because of the stability of this gentle maelstrom, the largest uniform climatic feature on Earth is also an accumulator of the debris of civilization. Anything that floats, no matter where it comes from on the north Pacific Rim or ocean, ends up here, sometimes after drifting around the periphery for 12 years or more.”

Basically, in a nutshell every piece of waste that isn’t bio-degradable and ends up in the pacific ocean gathers with other waste here the ever growing massive and disqusting man made plastic island. A place where garbage gets trapped and can never leave.

Cptn. Moores full paper can be read here.

Playing Softball

Growing up in the town I grew up in we didn’t play baseball. We played fastball. Whip-pitch, windmill ,big ball, softball whatever your name for it it wasn’t baseball, but it’s all we had so I played it.

I was a pitcher and played first base in my teenage pinnacle years. As a pitcher I was mediocre, I was tall which was good for playing first base because I could stretch far but I was never able to use my height to generate enough pitch speed to be intimidating in that regard off of the mound. I was however very erratic with my control and would occasionally throw a pitch and have it wind up somewhere over the backstop. If anything the batter’s were kept on their toes against me.

When I was in grade seven or eight my team was playing out of town and my dad, who was out of the picture f

Anyhow on this day our regular pitcher who was ten times better of a pitcher than me was away somewhere and I was on the hill the whole game.

In the fourth or fifth inning with two outs and a man on first and third I took a line drive off of an aluminium baseball bat in the groin. Before we go any further I have two questions;

A. Do you know how much closer a pitcher is to home in fastball than baseball?

B. Do you know how hard an aluminium baseball bat can propel an object?

Ok I know what your thinking. Some of you are wondering if I was wearing a cup, a jock. Unfortunately no I wasn’t. I had never been hit in the groin like that before plus I was a bit crazy. I was a goalie in hockey and I would sometimes forget my cup at home and play without one. Darwin award considerations.

As it was though I hit the mound faster than Tara Patrick falling to my knees and sitting on my heels.

A crowd encircled me and as I regained my composure the umpire signalled for an out.

The ball was still lodged in my groin do to my body position and had never actually touched the ground , the inning was over and that ladies and gentlemen is my greatest, most painful and attention gathering catch.

After the game my dad stated that he was getting me a cup and jockstrap.

My dad went away again the next day. He never did get me that cup.

Getting Immunized

When I was younger my best friend in the world was my next door neighbour. Her name was Jasmine and she was the daughter of our family doctor.

Before starting kindergarten we were supposed to get immunization needles. I’m still not sure what those are for because I still came down with chicken pox and the mumps in grade school but those are other stories for other times.

Jasmine’s father was the one who was going to be giving us the shots and we were notified of this event perhaps a week ahead of time, lots of time to ready ones self mentally and I needed 95% of that time because I was terrified of needles for one reason or another.

I believe I was scared of needles because I had a dentist who ALWAYS found cavities when me and my sisters went for our bi-yearly visit’s. With cavities comes needles, sometimes as many as 3 or 4 (needles) because she had ’missed’ the correct spot to inject it. Have you ever had a needle in the bridge of your mouth? I have.

When I was 16 my dentist died and I haven’t had a cavity since, imagine that.

As such, I never quiet enjoyed those tiny pricks and I was 100% terrified of something called an ‘immunization needle’.

Luckily my best friend was the daughter of a doctor and she spent the entire week comforting me and reassuring me that the needle was nothing to be afraid of and by the end of the week I believed her.

On needle day I went over to her house and her Dad got set up to give us the needles in their kitchen, I was going to be the first victim. He knew that I was somewhat timid regarding the whole ordeal and he told me to just take a big breath that it would be over before I knew it.

He was right.

I turned my head as he was about to inject me, felt a tiny pinch and then asked him when he was going to do it. He said it was done.

Wow, that was so not the feeling I had at the dentist’s office, I barely felt it at all and kinda felt stupid that I spent the entire week fretting over something that turned out to be nothing at all.

Jasmine however was next and the cool confidence that she showed all week was gone when it was her turn. I’m not sure if it was the sight of seeing the needle protrude into my arm or what but being the daughter of a doctor didn’t prepare her for this moment and she flipped.

Can you flip without freaking out? I’m not sure, but if you can she wasn’t able to separate the two and she lost it. She ran out of her house and tore through the neighbourhood with speed that would make a baby elk seem slow.

Which led to both family’s (her’s and mine) along with other’s neighbourhood being thrown into seek and capture mode as this five year old girl had absolutely no plans of letting that or any needle touch her skin and had it in her mind that she would do anything and everything in her power to evade such violations.

My older sister was the ‘lucky’ soul who finally managed coral Jasmine in on the far side of our house. I say lucky because for her efforts she still has the teeth marks in her arm 25 years later where a five year old girl tried to make one last gasp for freedom.

Of course Jasmine turned out to be an absolute wonderful woman and one of the smartest people I know but she will never live down the time she tried to eat my sister’s arm in the pursuit of freedom.

Sexy Sunday 29

Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek was born in Coatzacoalcos Mexico in 1966. At the age of 12 her parents sent her to a Louisiana boarding school however she was sent home for being disobedient. When she finished high school she moved to houston and stayed with her aunt until she was 17. She was majoring in International Relationship studies but dropped out and decided to pursue a career in acting. She started out by doing local theater which led her to commericials. In 1991 Salma moved to L.A where she spent the next 18 months taking English lessons and working with on her acting skills with a drama teacher. Her big break came when she was cast for a role in the movie Despardo. She has since had roles in From Dusk Til Dawn, Fools Rush In, Hunchback and many others. In 2009 she married billionaire and father of her child Francois-Henri Pinault.