Jokes 10-31-08

Three men were asked what they would want to be said about them at their funerals. The first one said, “I want someone to say I was a wonderful father.”

The second man said, “I want someone to say I was the greatest baseball player ever.”

The last man said, “I want someone to say, ‘He’s moving, he’s moving!’”

A teacher was teaching her class to use good manners.
She asks a student, “Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you needed to use the bathroom?”
He responded, “Just a minute, I have to go pee.”
The teacher replied, “That would be rude and impolite! What about you John, how would you say it?”
“I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”
The teacher responded, “That’s better, but it’s still not nice to use the word bathroom at the table. And you Peter, how would you show your good manners?”
Peter said with a smile, “I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you’ll get to meet after dinner.”

A woman walks into a bar and sits down, she notices a man sitting a couple seats down. She watches as he takes a shot, runs to the window, jumps out, flies around the building and then sits back down.
Astounded the woman asked how he did this.
He answered, “magic shot.” She tells him to do it again to prove it.
He slams another shot and repeats his performance.
The man looks at her and says “go ahead give it a try.” The woman orders a shot, slams it, runs and jumps out the window and falls to her death.
The bartender looks over at the man and says “You know Superman, you can be a real asshole when your drunk.”

The captain of a fearsome pirate ship decides to have a talk with a rookie that is setting out for his first voyage ever.
Captain: “So, any questions?”
Rookie: “Just one. Since there are no women on the ship and we are at sea for months at a time, what do we do if we get…uh…you know…the urge?”
Captain: “See that barrel over there?”
Rookie: “Yep.”
Captain: “See the hole in the side of the barrel?”
Rookie: “Yep.”
Captain: “Well, anytime you get the urge, just use that hole in the barrel. Anytime except on Tuesdays.”
Rookie: “Why not Tuesdays?”
Captain: “That’s your day in the barrel.”

Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Wanna go ride bikes?

Weight Affects Sperm

Silhouettes representing healthy, overweight, ...
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A recent study has shown that men with bigger waists also have to worry about the quality of their sperm. Bigger men are shown to have poor semen quality however experts aren’t sure if obese men are necessarily going to have problems having children.

Men are only half the equation to have children and if an obese man is with a healthy fertile partner then her fertility may make up where he may be lacking. So what happens if the woman is overweight or obese? There is already proof that obesity in women causes infertility which may cause problems in trying to conceive especially if the male is obese.

A study in Scotland gathered two groups of men. The group that was healthy and had a BMI of 20-25 were shown to have higher levels of sperm then those with a higher BMI who were overweight or obese. Bigger men were 60% more likely to have lower volumes of semen and 40% more likely to have abnormalities pertaining to their sperm. Men who are under weight were just as likely to have problems with their fertility. Factors such as age, smoking, drinking, and drugs were also considered in the study and have an obvious affect on sperm.

Temperature also influences sperm. Sperm is produced at a lower temperature then the body but obese men may be overheated due to their extra fat.

Though being over weight or obese may not make you completely infertile your weight is working against you. If you desire to be healthier and have children your better off becoming healthier for yourself and for your children or future children. Chances are if you are overweight and continue in your bad habits your kids will only follow in your footsteps and you might as well give them a death sentence. So get out there and do something about it.

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New Releases October 28, 2008

Blu-ray Disc
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New release listings for Blu-ray and Playstation 3.

Blu-ray

Playstation 3

Jokes 10-27-08

Drinking to Forget

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Give me 13 margaritas.”
The bartender says, “Wow, that’s quite an order. What’s the occasion?”
The man replies, “Well, I’m celebrating my first blow job.”
”That is something to celebrate. Tell you what, how about one more on the house?” says the bartender.
The man replies, “No, thanks. If 13 doesn’t get the taste out of mouth, nothing will.”

Doody Calling

A man is sitting on a men’s room toilet when the guy in the stall next to him says, “Hi.”
”Um, Hi,” the first man answers.
”What’s going on?”
”I’m traveling,” the first guy says hesitantly.
”Mind if I stop over?”
”What…Why the hell would you want to do that?”
”Hey, I’ll call you back,” says the second guy. “The weirdo in the other stall keeps talkin’ to me.”

Animal Passion

A doctor has sex with one of his patients and feels extremely guilty about it
The next day he hears voices in his head.
One says, “It’s ok, a lot of doctors do it.”
A second says, “ You sick fuck, you’re a vet!”

Show and Tell

A guy shopping at the supermarket notices a hot woman waving at him.
”Do I know you?” he says, walking over.
”I think you’re the father of one of my kids,” the woman says.
”Are you that hooker I banged behind Chuck E. Cheese’s during my son’s birthday party?”
”No,” she says. “I’m his math teacher.”

A husband and Wife are sharing a bottle of wine when the husband says, “I bet you can’t make happy and sad at the same time.” The wife thinks for a few moments then says, “Your dick is bigger than your brother’s.”

Sexy Sunday 51

mila kunis

Mila Kunis

Mila Kunis was born in Kiev Ukraine in 1983. Her father was a mechanical engineer and her mother a physics teacher. During this time Ukraine was still part of the Soviet Union and it was under turmoil. Mila’s parents decided to move to Los Angeles in hopes of providing a more stable environment for their children. Her parents had to get new careers and her father became the president of a cab company and her mother was a drugstore manager. Mila and her brother were enrolled in public school where they learned English through Immersion. Mila also credits the Price is Right for helping here learn English. By age 9 Mila was attending after school acting classes. It was here she was approached by an entertainment manager. Soon Mila was on a Payless Shoes commercial and an episode of the Days of Our Lives. She then had guest roles on shows like Baywatch, Walker, Texas Ranger, and many others. At 14 Kunis lied to producers of that 70’s Show saying she was 18 and she won the part. That 70’s show proved to be a great success and Mila went on to voice the character of Meg Griffin in Family Guy. She has since had roles in the Family Guy Movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Max Payne, Beau Bridges and in 2009 Tom Cool and Extract.

New Releases October 21, 2008

Blu-ray Disc
Image via Wikipedia

New release listings for Blu-ray and Playstation 3.

Blu-ray

Playstation 3

Sexy Sunday 50

Kate Beckinsale

Kate Beckinsale was born in London England in 1973. Kate Beckinsale studied at Oxford University before she left to pursue a career in acting. She starred in a few British roles before she came to America. Once Beckinsale came to America she starred in her first American movie “Broken Down Palace.” The film wasn’t a huge success but it was enough to catch the attention of director Michael Bay. He then casted her in Pearl Harbor. After Pearl Harbor she starred in Serendipity, Underworld, Van Helsing, and the Aviator. Kate married director Len Wiseman and has recently starred in the movie Snow Angels. She is also set to appear in Whiteout this year.

New look

I am trying out a new look. The base of the look is from a theme I modified called Base. I made a theme named 3Base using a tutorial on Nettuts. There is still some work to do. But everything seems to be working fine at the momment. If you see something displaying incorrectly please let me know.

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Please give me some feed back.

The 4 Hour Erection: Pain Not Pleasure

Penis
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If you own a television there is a good chance you have seen one of those commercials advertising that little blue pill or a number of other erectile dysfunction pills. You have probably also heard that you should consult a doctor if you have various symptoms one including an erection lasting longer then 4 hours. Male or female you would be thinking an erection that long would be great. What you may or may not know is that an erection that is long lasting without sexual release or desire is actually painful and very uncomfortable.

Even if they haven’t heard of the condition many men realize that there is something wrong and seek help due to the excruciating pain and those who don’t seek help need to because they could end up with permanent ED. To put it simple when a man is physically or mentally stimulated blood vessels in the penis begin to relax and open up causing the blood to be trapped under high pressure which causes an erection. Unfortunately for the small number of men who suffer from priaprism the blood in their penis cannot get out. Long term erections can cause damage to the erection chambers of the penis which may only allow for a partial erection. In a worst case scenario a man may suffer from permanent ED if priaprism remains untreated.

The lesson from this is not to let embarrassment stop you from getting help because there will be repercussions that will be irreversible.

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