Why is it that God has seen fit to make women and men so different? Besides the obvious differences, genitalia, femininity, child bearing and menstrual cycles, there are a thousand diametrical contradictions between us. It’s because of his sense of humor, that’s why. He had just finished building the earth, heavens and eternity and when Sunday rolled around it was Miller time or something. He made Adam, borrowed a rib and then came Eve. THAT is where things got messed up right there. I bet the first thing Adam had to do was take out the trash, sore ribs and all. She didn’t care that God hadn’t created light yet. She was perfectly happy bitchin’ in the dark.

I’ve heard it said a million times that men will never understand women. I beg to differ. We DO understand women, we just don’t frickin believe it that’s all. Argue, argue, argue, bitch, bitch, bitch. Man. All the time. They say never go to bed mad at each other. Really? What does that even mean? Stay up and fight? Women know stuff that men don’t and it’s not fair. They have long memories too. Why is it that in the midst of a heated argument, they will bring up something that happened five years ago that has nothing to do with what we’re arguing about? Nothing. In shock, we stand there with that dumbfounded, deer in the headlights look trying to figure out what just happened. It changed the whole topic. And while we’re standing there in total disbelief trying to figure out what just happened, they are so far along in their wailing we have no choice but to give up and lose. It’s at this juncture we know it’s over and anything said past this point is the start of a brand new argument.

My wife not only knows every single birthday and anniversary in her family, but mine too! I don’t care who you are, this is contrary to the ordinary course of nature. Borderline savant. She’s damn hard to argue with I’ll tell you that. Sometimes I feel like we, as men, don’t have much of a chance. And boy do they love their children. I’m not saying men don’t, we do, just not like they do. Women know every little detail about them. Birthdays, allergies, likes, dislikes, boyfriends and how to buy school supplies. They know shoe sizes, how big they are in the waist, what their favorite colors are. Men are vaguely aware of some little people living in the house. In all fairness, and I’ve always said, if it weren’t for women there would be, like 6 people on the planet. Yeah we’re different. I guess it’s better that way somehow. I just wish the footing was a little more even that’s all.
As it is, women will always sit and listen to a ten year old for an hour talk about how he almost caught a fly ball, and be just as proud of them as they can be. But men? We’ll always want to knock a fart out of him for making an error in left field.