A 13 year old boy came home all happy.
His mom asked, “What did you do at school today hunny?”
“Oh I had sex with my teacher,” he said calmly.
The mother began to scream and yell and sent him to his room till his father came home.
When the father came home the mother said distraughtly and close to tears “Go talk to your son…he had sex with his teacher today!!!”
The dad with a big grin on his face walked upstairs.
He asked his son what happened at school and the son told him.
The dad said, “son I am so proud of you I’m going to get you that bike you have wanted.”
They go out and buy the bike and the dad asks him if he would like to ride it home and the son replied, “nah dad my bum is still sore.”
Who’s this guy?
After a long night of love making, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
“There might be some matches in the top drawer,” she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
“Is this your husband?” he inquired nervously.
“No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him.
“Your boyfriend then?” he asked.
“No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.
“Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, “that’s me before the operation.”
In a check out line the other day a coupling was arguing about whose turn it was to pay. The clerk was kind of listening until she heard the lady tell the guy, “stop being a scrote.”
With a furrowed brow the clerk asked, “what’s a scrote?”
Without missing a beat the lady responded, “short for scrotum. He is somewhere between a prick and an asshole.”
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
The man says, “ok, give me the good news first.”
The doctor says, “the good news is, you have 24 hours to live.”
The man replies, “oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?”
The doctor says, “The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.”
Mary: John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do you think, Peter?
Peter: I think you’re pretty ugly.