Jokes 12-11-08

A young executive is leaving the office late one evening when he finds the CEO standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in her hand.
“Listen,” says the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” says the young executive. He turns the machine on, puts the paper in, and hits the start button.
“Thanks.” says the CEO as her paper disappears inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”

Q: Why didn’t John Denver take a shower before flying?
A: He figured he could just wash up onshore.

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approaching him.
“What is it?” sighs the president.
“It’s this abortion bill. What do you want to do about it?” the aide asks.
“Go ahead and pay it,” says the president.

A construction worker comes home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. Incensed, he drags the man out to the garage and puts his johnson in a vise.
He secures it and removes the vise handle, then picks up a hacksaw.
The man, terrified, screams, “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to…to…cut it off, are you?”
The husband shakes his head and hands him the hacksaw. “Nope—you are. I’m just going to set the garage on fire.”

The ambitious coach of a girls’ track team starts giving his squad steroids. Their performance soars, and they go on to win the county and state championships. The day before the nationals, Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler, comes into his office.
“Coach,” she says, “I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest.“
“Oh my God!” yells the coach. “Well, how far down does it go?”
“Down to my balls,” she replies, “and that’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about…”