Drinking to Forget

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Give me 13 margaritas.”
The bartender says, “Wow, that’s quite an order. What’s the occasion?”
The man replies, “Well, I’m celebrating my first blow job.”
”That is something to celebrate. Tell you what, how about one more on the house?” says the bartender.
The man replies, “No, thanks. If 13 doesn’t get the taste out of mouth, nothing will.”

Doody Calling

A man is sitting on a men’s room toilet when the guy in the stall next to him says, “Hi.”
”Um, Hi,” the first man answers.
”What’s going on?”
”I’m traveling,” the first guy says hesitantly.
”Mind if I stop over?”
”What…Why the hell would you want to do that?”
”Hey, I’ll call you back,” says the second guy. “The weirdo in the other stall keeps talkin’ to me.”

Animal Passion

A doctor has sex with one of his patients and feels extremely guilty about it
The next day he hears voices in his head.
One says, “It’s ok, a lot of doctors do it.”
A second says, “ You sick fuck, you’re a vet!”

Show and Tell

A guy shopping at the supermarket notices a hot woman waving at him.
”Do I know you?” he says, walking over.
”I think you’re the father of one of my kids,” the woman says.
”Are you that hooker I banged behind Chuck E. Cheese’s during my son’s birthday party?”
”No,” she says. “I’m his math teacher.”

A husband and Wife are sharing a bottle of wine when the husband says, “I bet you can’t make happy and sad at the same time.” The wife thinks for a few moments then says, “Your dick is bigger than your brother’s.”