A cop on a horse says to the little girl on the bike, “Did Santa get you that?”
“Yes,” replies the little girl.
“Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year.” and fines her $5
The little girl looks up at the cop and says. “Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?”
The cop chuckles and replies, “He sure did!”
“well,” says the little girl, “Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse not on top of it!”

A young man asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?”
The father, surprised answers:
“Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breast are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
“Yes, see them and they make you cry.”

What kind of bees make milk?
Boobies.

Why is it hard to play the game “Uno with a group of Mexicans?
Because they all take the green cards.

A lady went to see a tarot reader who’ll predict her future:
Tarot reader: Lady, I’m sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future.
Lady: Don’t tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation.