Robert went to his lawyer and said, “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.” the lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, “Not a problem leave it all to me.” Robert looked somewhat upset and said, “well I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!”

Q:Where does the one legged waitress work?
A: The Ihop

Q: What did the blonde say when she walked into the bar?
A: Ouch!

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A: Damn

Blame the Dog
A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She’s not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of case and really needs to relieve some pressure. Luckily the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think the dog did it. He farts, and the woman yells “Spot, get down from there.” The guy thinks “Great, they think the dog did it.” he releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, “Damn it Spot, get down before he shits on you.”