Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, just before dawn, both of them drunk, felt the urge to pee. They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they decided to go there anyway.
The first one had nothing to blot herself with, so she took her panties off, used them and discarded them. The second, not finding anything either, thought “I’m not getting rid of my panties…” so she used the ribbon of a nearby flower wreath.
The morning after the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: “we have to be on the look-out; it seems these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties…” The other responded “You’re lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read “From all us at the firehouse, we’ll never forget you.”

Q:How do you make a blondes eyes sparkle?
A: Shine a flashlight through her ear.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: When his lips are moving.

Q: How can you tell if you’re a redneck?
A: You go to the family reunion to find a date.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket full of shit?
A: The bucket.