Lois: Brian, you’re not wearing that sweater I made you.
Brian: Well, y’know it’s a little warm in here…
Lois: Don we now our gay apparel!
Brian: It doesn’t get much gayer than this.

Chris: Dad you should invent the frisbee, that’s an awesome toy.
Meg: Chris, the frisbee is already invented.
Chris: Then how come I’ve never heard of it.

Brian: Ugh, I can’t believe you are serving a three year sentence, it seems so harsh.
Lois: Well, the only upside is that it’s given me time to think about why I ended up in here. I guess I was stealin’ because I was so sick of the same old routine. I felt like I had a void in my life, like, like, there was a secret hole in me…
Quagmire: Oh God!
Lois: …and I was trying to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects, and things…
Quagmire: Oh God!
Lois: …and I felt wonderful with all those things fillin’ that hole.
Quagmire: Oh God!
Lois: I did this to myself, so I’m just gonna have to lay back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
Quagmire: That one is also sexual.

Stewie: What the deuce?!

Ugly Girl: You mean I could be a prostitute?
Brian: Yeah sure, but in your case I would get the money up front.

Credit to www.familyguyquotes.com