1. Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

2. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

3. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

4. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

5. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

6. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

7. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

8. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

9. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.

10. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.