8 Ways Men Use Car Accessories To Get Laid

It’s often said that the only reason a man picks up a guitar is to impress a beautiful woman. The same might be said of anyone thumbing through an aftermarket auto parts catalog. Both the printed page and the Internet are filled with retailers hawking a long list of car and truck accessories that all scream one thing: look at me! It’s not really a stretch, then, to posit that there are a specific number of parts that find themselves playing a key role in the strategy of men everywhere to get women to pay attention to them.

Let’s take a look at 8 ways that men use auto accessories to try to get laid.

1. Giant Snorkles. Sure, you take that Jeep off-road from time to time – pot holes on the way to work count, right? Let’s face it – the majority of SUV’s never leave the asphalt, let alone require the use of an uber-phallic snorkel to keep water out of the engine’s intake. Snorkels might as well come free with a pack of Viagra.

2. Giant Tires. Sensing a theme here? It’s basic male logic: my tires are big, and therefore so is everything else about me. The sad thing is, this statement is often true – it’s just that big bellies aren’t as attractive as one would think to the opposite sex.

3. Neon Underglow Lights. There’s absolutely nothing sexier than a disco, unless it happens to be a secret disco that lives underneath your car / truck / RV, detectable only by its bright neon glow. Just keep telling yourself that, guys.

4. Stereo Systems That Register on the Richter Scale. Feel that deep-thumping bass as it approaches from four blocks away? That’s the mating call of the stereo-obsessed male, a species that figures the best way to a woman’s heart is to render her senseless by using a subwoofer to shake her brain inside her skull like a scrambled egg. Nothing says “I want you” like permanent hearing loss.

5. Lift Kits. Ladies, if his truck features a rope ladder on the passenger side, the correct protocol is to be impressed by how difficult it is to find a parking garage, drive-through or highway overpass that can accommodate his big giant lifted truck. Because inconvenience is impressive, especially in an urban setting.

6. Body Kits. Does his car feature a wing big enough to water ski from? Does the front end scraped over the slightest of bumps? Does he make you get out through the sunroof so that you don’t bang your door into the curb after parking? He’s doing it all for you. And he might have brain damage.

7. Ultra-loud Exhausts. Spiritually linked to bass-loving males, dudes who drive cars that feature ear-splitting after-market exhaust systems can be divided into two categories: those who pilot V8-powered vehicles who see the throaty roar of their engines as some sort of animalistic mating call, and those who for reasons no one understands revel in the tinny, bumblebee-esque note of their fart-can mufflers. Neither is likely to get into anyone’s pants before the night is through.

8. Stickers, Stickers, Stickers. Hey, it works for Dale Jr., right?

About The Author: Jason Lancaster is editor of TundraHeadquarters.com and TacomaHQ.com, websites for Toyota truck enthusiasts.