Month: August 2010

What’s the difference between a woman and a fridge? A fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out. A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl. She was immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked the car. The petting went on and he put his hand in her panties. She seemed to be enjoying it, but suddenly objected, “Ouch! That ring is hurting me!” To which he replied “That’s no ring… That’s my watch!” A man and a woman had been married some time when the woman began to question her husband. “I know you’ve been with a lot of women before. how many were there?” The husband replied, “Look, I don’t want to upset you, there were many. Let’s just leave it alone.” The wife continued to beg and plead. Finally, the husband gave in. “Let’s see.” he said “There was one, two, three four, five, six, you, eight nine…” A guy is driving out in the middle of nowhere, very lost. Finally he spots 2 houses so he goes up to the first house and looks in the door way. He sees an old lady yanking on her tits and an old man jerking himself off. He is so freaked out that he goes to the next house and says “What’s up with your neighbours? and the owner of the house...

An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon. After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions. They yell to a jogger, “Hey, can you tell us where we’re at?” After a few moments the jogger responds, “You’re in a hot-air balloon.” The engineer says, “You must be a mathematician.” The jogger, shocked, responds, “Yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?” “Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless.” Jeff and Mike are in a car accident and both die. Upon Jeff’s arrival at the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter. “Where is my friend Mike?” Jeff asked. St. Peter replies, “Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven.” Jeff was bothered by this and asked, “Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is ok?” So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a  sandy beach with a gorgeous sexy blonde in a bikini, and also with a keg of beer. “I don’t mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell,” “It’s not as it appears to...