Month: May 2010

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked God for forgiveness. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the people in his car. The last thing I want to do is hurt you but it is on my list. We Live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. We never really grow up we just learn how to act in...

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus the man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. “The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed. The man sympathized and said “Why, he’s a public servant and shouldn’t say things to insult passengers.” “You’re right,” she said. “ I think I’ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.” “That’s a good idea,” the man said. “Here, let me hold your monkey.” A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “ I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a  day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 lbs.” When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. “Why, that’s amazing! the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nodded, “I’ll tell you though, I thought i was going to drop dead that 3rd day.” “From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.” “No, from all that skipping.” Three blokes are driving around, drinking beers and having a laugh...