When are celebrities going to learn to stop taking nude pictures of themselves? It seems that just about every week there’s a new celebrity who has taken nude pics on their cell phone that were summarily leaked onto the internet. And it always seems to happen to the young, good-looking celebrities. Thank goodness it  not the seasoned veterans or overweight stand-up comedians. There are definitely people who I do not—under any circumstances—want to see nude. Here’s my top 10:

1. Steve Buscemi

Steve Buscemi is not one of those actors who used to be good looking and then let himself go, like Marlon Brando or Kirstie Alley. Buscemi has never been a pin up or heartthrob, and even the thought of seeing his skinny pale body laid out on a beach towel in Maui gives me the shivers.

 

2. Kathy Bates

Bates already appeared fully nude in ‘About Schmidt” (2002), and that is the sole reason I have never seen that critically acclaimed movie.

 

 

3. Louie CK

Louie CK is one of the funniest comedians today. He has a critically acclaimed show on FX and can basically do whatever he wants. But a pasty-skinned, middle-aged, slightly overweight ginger posing in his bathroom with a phone is not the image I want to see when I log in to Reddit.

 

4. Jonah Hill

Like John Belushi, John Candy, and Chris Farley before him, Jonah Hill capitalizes well on the funny fat guy cliché, but just because he makes me laugh doesn’t mean I want to see him hoola hooping naked.

 

 

5. Whoopi Goldberg

Funny woman, intellectual, activist, grandma—Whoopi you have a lot going for you. But if you start taking pictures of your unclothed body, I will stop watching ‘The View.” I swear, this time I’m not joking.

 

 

6. Randy Jackson

“Hey, dog, I—uh—loved you on American Idol. I loved your critiques of the contestants, dog. But, um, I’m not going to pass you on to the next round. Whatever you want to do in your own bathroom is fine, but this is a contest you aren’t going to win.”

 

7. Betty White

Betty, I love you. Just not in that way.

 

 

8. Michael Cera

No matter what this guy is in, or how many movies he makes, he’ll always be George Michael Bluth to me. And when you start talking about naked teenage boys that goes into territory I am unwilling to explore.

 

 

9. Ann Coulter

You know, I usually like fit, thin women, but when they start looking like Jack the Pumpkin King, with shoulder blades like giant Ginsu knives, I draw the line. Please, Skeletor—I mean—Ann, don’t get frisky with your cell phone anytime soon.

 

10. Queen Elizabeth

I’m not a royal hater. Whatever those crazy Brits want to do with their goverment is fine with me. But what the Queen Mum and Prince Philip want to do in the privacy of their Buckingham Palace master suite should be kept far from the public eye. For our own good.

 

James Ged is a writer who watches way too much TV and spends hours a day on the internet. Usually he blogs for CableTV.com, but he also shares cool entertainment stuff on TV Buzzer.